Thursday, August 6, 2009
No Trouble in Little Korea. or What’s up Kim Jong II?
I heard that Al Gore was all set to free the hostages in N. Korea himself until former Pres. Clinton found out that the reporters happened to be a couple of hot asian women and offered to make the trip himself. After Laura Ling shook the former president's hand for coming to her rescue, he slipped her his card which simply read:
William J. Clinton Esq.- Capricorn.
As the door to the private jet closed behind Pres. Clinton, Kim Jong II began to run after the plane as it picked up speed down the runway shouting in a screetchy- voiced, broken-English wail “Take me with you. You promised I would get to meet one of the Kardashian girls. I don’t care which one. Bring me back a Kardashiaaaaan.” While gazing outside his window as the jet soared up through the clouds on its way to a country where any man or woman has the right to write a story lampooning any leader, no matter how powerful , Bill smiled, lit a cigar and said “I love it when a plan comes together.”
Upon landing in America, he walked to the back of the jet and woke up Sec. of State Hillary Clinton. She got up slowly while holding her head and in a groggy state said to him ”Huh. Where are we? Bill, Did I black out again? This happens every time I’m supposed to meet a foreign leader.” “It’s allright honey, the former president said in a soothing tone. I talked to Kim Jong II for you and we got Ms. Ling and Ms. Lee back safely. That’s what’s important. Now , let’s go reunite these girls with their loved ones. OK.” As the former president gazed into the eyes of his wife and current Sec. of State, he rubbed her hand gently and said “You might want to fix your hair a little before we meet the press though. “
As Laura Ling and Euna Lee embraced their families and told the members of the media about their harrowing experience in captivity , Bill watched in the background and began to feel the wave of freedom rush over him as well. He nudged the pilot of the plane and asked him how much gas was left in the tank. When the pilot told him that the plane was being re-fueled and could fly anywhere he wanted, he then asked the pilot if he’d like to accompany him to Las Vegas. Bill then smiled slyly and said, “I might have to broker a deal with Steve Wynn to free a couple of strippers from their g-strings at the Crazy Horse.”
Before writing this story, I had just spent a weekend hanging out with my family and an ex-baseball player who used to play for a New York team and had become friends with my father due to the fact that they both had at one time had homes in the same development and the fact that my father is the world’s youngest 72 year old. He told me a story about how former Pres. Clinton had visited the stadium while he was a player on the day of a game and one of his teammates, a well known veteran player on the team was preparing himself to discuss politics with Pres. Clinton while he, a young guy in his early 20’s at the time, was unfazed. As Pres. Clinton arrived in the clubhouse, he looked up from the video game he was playing and said “What’s up Bill?”
Pres. Clinton proceeded to sit down next to him and talk sports with him for a half hour. I have heard that one of Pres. Clinton’s greatest strengths is his ability to communicate with people as individuals. He engaged the younger player over the star player, because he was cool enough to appreciate his relaxed candor. As I listened to this story beng told to me, I could only imagine my new acquaintance, a laid back
guy from SoCal, had been dipping tobacco, as ballplayers tend to do, while in the company of a President. I’d like to think that he asked the former President what he’s been doing with himself now that he’s out of office and Pres. Clinton responded by cracking open a beer and with a hint of his once more prominent Arkansas drawl said, “I’m just livin’.
L I V I N.”