Maybe,Baby.

I am watching the film Serendipity at three in the morning and it would truly be serendipitous if at the same time my soul mate was also watching this movie. Maybe she is a bartender getting home from work after spending her Monday night serving drinks to banker types at a cheesy bar. Possibly, she is a single mom and woke up to feed her baby before turning on the TV. Or, she could be currently dating a guy that she is already thinking about breaking up with and got out of bed after a night of sex that has become routine, went into the living room, turned on the TV and started watching the movie.

I’d like to think she’s single, probably between 5’ and 5’5'',has brown hair, big brown eyes, and has the kind of unassuming beauty that people don’t notice at first glance. I’d like to think she has the kind of laugh that makes me want to send her funny texts at random moments in the day. Maybe we haven’t met yet. Maybe we have. Maybe we dated and the twisted timing of life broke us up too soon before we both could admit to the other how much we truly cared for each other. Maybe she is watching this movie as the new boyfriend is sleeping next to her. Maybe she is thinking about how I'm just dorky enough to be watching this at 3 a.m. and she has a momentary thought about texting me, but resists and feels an emptiness in the bedroom that she never felt with me.

Maybe she sat next to me in eighth-grade English class, but I was too nervous to talk to her. Maybe I had one date with her when I was 24, and was still too inexperienced in dating to say the right things. Maybe she asked me to skate at the roller rink in 7th grade and I told her I was going to play Donkey Kong to get out of everyone seeing us together,  because I didn't see her beauty through her giant '80s style glasses, and I secretly wanted to skate with the girl who had already developed the major-league yabbos of a 17-year old whose sweaters had gotten hypnotically tighter over the past year;  except she was skating with my best friend, who was an athlete and didn't have braces that conveniently covered the length of an awkward phase.

Maybe I walked right by her in the bar on the New Years Eve that I ended up kissing the woman at midnight who took me back to her place to fool around for a few hours before she would look at the clock after climaxing and casually uttering the blunt words ”I've had enough,"  before kicking me out of her place. Maybe, she is the girl I used to work with who I had the office crush on and then a month later, forgot why. Maybe she is the cool 21-year old intern at my old job that I fooled around with after an office party only to find out a few months later that her college foray into lesbianism with a member of the field hockey team had not been just a "college thing" and that she was happily dating a woman named Jenny (OK, I’m almost positive, she’s not the one.)


Maybe she was that brown-eyed girl that taught me that a night that starts out talking and people watching in a dive bar and ends up with us eating waffles in bed can be more fun than a week in the Bahamas with a girl that forces you to drink daiquiris all day and vodka tonics all night in order to avoid the fact that you can't stand the sound of her voice anymore. Maybe she was the girl I felt many "moments" with during our brief relationship and that within 15 minutes of knowing each other, we both were enamored with each other’s smiles and personalities, and just knew there was a fun connection between us, until suddenly, after a few months of enjoying every minute of each other's quirks, she quickly and coldly disconnected from me.

Maybe it was the first woman I ever went home with in the city who unlocked a passion in me that had been building for years, which helped me figure out that an honest smile can, on occasion, lead to separating a girl at a bar from her friends and sometimes her bra. Our mutual desire had conspired to bring us together for one night of grinding and groping in the back of the taxi and then the top of her covers with the unbridled enthusiasm of people who were both longing for a similar feeling( me looking forward to my Sex in the City years and she saying goodbye to hers.)   I walked out foolishly without staying for the night leaving her disappointed that our night had ended before sunrise.  Then, I forgot which apartment she was in when I got to the street and had the Chandleresque impulsive idea to knock on her door for one more round of rolling around.

Whoever it is, I hope she will realize the connection we currently have or will have after we meet, so I don’t have to go barging into her wedding shouting her name, before running away with her until we catch a city bus and then look at each other and wonder if we made a huge mistake.

Until then, I will continue to watch the occasional late night movie, continue to go on dating sites and continue to wait for that time when I bump into a cute girl with big brown eyes, big green eyes or big blue eyes(really, the key word is eyes, as in plural.) Or, when she bumps into me and our eyes meet. I just hope we’re not both engaged to other people at the time, because that can get messy. But, what’s a little ice cream spilled on your shirt when it comes to finding the person you want to share this messy,crazy thing called life..